A Tale of Two Urinals

On Saturday evening we attended the Hamilton Philharmonic’s presentation of

“Brahms & Mozart”, an evening consisting of:

Rossini Overture to Barber of Seville

Mozart: Oboe Concerto

Murphy: Black Sand (commissioned by the HPO)

Brahms: Symphony No. 2

It was a lovely evening with an attendance of probably 1,200 people.

On Sunday, we attended the Eastern Division Semi-Finals of the Canadian Football League featuring the Hamilton Ti-Cats vs. the Toronto Argonauts where the Toronto Argonauts took advantage of turnovers and battled their way to victory in the Eastern Semi-Final against Hamilton.

The attendance was about 26,000.

I visited the bathroom at both events, both of them at half-time (intermission at the Philharmonic, but it’s still half-time).

I waited at both events for the bathroom to clear, giving it about ten minutes. On Saturday evening, I waited for the elderly and infirmed to visit, including those gentlemen with walkers and canes. By the time I arrived at the urinal, I was the lone patron. I was in and out quickly, and no one was there to say anything to anyone.

On Sunday, after ten minutes the line was still a million miles long, and I was dying. Now I don’t want a beer in the cold, rainy afternoon, freezing in the stands, but no one else seems to mind. At least I saw no one pissing in the sinks or in the aisles, but it was bedlam in the room. There were lines, seven or eight guys deep waiting and lining up for urinals. For guys who used stalls, there were critics screaming as to how “that’s how women use the john, sit down and pee!” It got really rude in there, with loud cries of how it was time for peeing, not sightseeing! I could hardly stop laughing due to the continued banter!

The talk is about how we need a new stadium, and I know we’ll lose the rude hilarity and jocular humor we achieve in the old stadium, in the old neighborhood. I will miss this too, but if we really get enough bathrooms, I can probably add a few years on to the life of my old bladder!