Sort of like falling again but not so bad….

I was asleep a few days ago when something woke me up. I started to turn the wrong way I guess. The next thing I knew I rolled out of bed and onto the floor! The pillows stopped my head from falling at the same rate and I ended up on my knees! 

They hurt!

The house shook, and my wife was sure it was like the scene in Jurassic Park where we see the water ripple as the Tyrannosaurus Rex comes closer. 

The only sound was my moaning…and laughing! Who else would fall again, but manage a 28” fall from bed onto a carpet.

I got up feeling a bit silly, with sore knees and promised, as always, not to fall again.

Just like a Stephen King novel....

This is a hard story to write as there is no great ending and no funny lines attached. It was a Stephen King novel come to life and I was in it!

We had driven to Detroit on Saturday to see two of my sons and their families, and we met up at a Sports Bar and watched the Michigan-Ohio State football and ate nachos etc. and had a great time, even the though the game was a bit of a disaster. We visited with my first wife and my former father-in-law for an hour before we returned home. Add to this a bit of shopping and it made for a very full day.

Driving into Michigan in the morning, for several miles after you enter on Route 94, coming over the Blue Water Bridge into Port Huron Michigan, the road is very torn up by construction. It’s a lane wide and in the day time you can see but at night there are no lights for most of the construction (or repair) portion. They have cones erected on both sides of the lanes and some lines left on the highway, and it goes on a few miles, maybe 5 to 10 of them. Going over I noted how bad it was and knew the return would be horrible.

After some dinner and getting gas in New Baltimore Michigan, we moved toward that part of the highway. It was a clear night, and although very dark it was passable. The posted speed limit when I could see one was 60 mph coming down from the normal 65 or 70 of the highway.

As I have gotten older, night driving makes me a bit more concerned and in bad weather it scares the hell out of me but this was a clear evening. I moved along, and recognised there are no shoulders to go on to, there is no-see darkness on the side of the cones, just construction equipment parked and highway run offs. I was uncomfortable at 60 mph, but do my best and was going over 50 and probably was at 60 as a car came up behind me and got on my bumper. He drove about 12” from my rear bumper and would not move off. He (or she, we could not see) continued, brightened his lights, and finally, in his or her complete frustration leaned on the horn!

I thought for a second maybe something was wrong with my car and a hand was hanging out of the trunk, but I knew nothing was wrong. I tried to speed up, but was actually scared of flying off the road into construction and killing us both. There were no other cars on the road and he was in some sort of a hurry I guess.

After a while he did it again! He got close as he could and leaned on the horn again and would not stop. There was no place to pull off or stop! If I stopped he would have to stop behind me or shoot me or push me off of the road but he could not have gotten around me easily. I would have been happy to leave him room, believe me!

This continued for the whole 5 to 10 miles and finally, a mile or two before the bridge it opened and I went to the right lane, the lights appeared on the road and he shot off onto the last exit in Michigan and I went onto the Bridge to Canada exit!

I never saw the vehicle or saw a licence number. The “should haves” are few, as there were limited possibilities.

The “should haves”:

My wife should have called 911 and reported it while it was it was happening.

I should carry a hand gun as I would have easily used it. (Not legal in Canada but after shooting him I could have tossed it in Michigan)

Have a James Bond car device and spread an oil slick on the road behind me.

Have a box of tacks to throw out the back to blow his tires.

What I did was to go home and calm down. I had a beer and went to bed and wrote this post

However, it was just like a Stephen King book, the one they made into a movie with the trucks, “Maximum Overdrive”, and I was the star!.

No. no Arthur, don't fall again!!!

I was in line to buy gas, and watched the man in front of me slip but regain his posture and not fall. I assumed there must have been some ice and vowed to be careful. When I got to the pump, I saw no ice and continued about my business. I finally got the nozzle in hand and turned to face the car and realized what tripped the man (and me) was a very high curb on the side of the pump.

As I fell with nozzle in hand (not squeezed thankfully) I saw the outcome. Down I went but on the curb so I had a fighting chance at getting up.

My wife was reading something and never noticed me, but the lady at the pump across from me was horrified and wanted to help. Here she was a small Asian woman of 90-100 pounds trying to lift me at 300+. I had to argue with her and bang on our car door so my wife would see me and help. I had to argue with her not to help me either, just be there in case we needed an ambulance.

With much grunting and trickery I was able to get myself lifted to an upright position. I hurt! However, I refused to go home and rest, I didn’t want to fall into that kind of trap. My wife pumped the gas and we went food shopping, and then I went home.

Yes, it hurt, but I slept for an hour, took lots of Tylenol and went out as planned.

Mainly I was scared. But many years ago my mother had assured me that we fat people bounce not

break!

She used to fall a bit too much as well.

21st Century Mom

I was in line at the supermarket, killing time. Next to me was a mother, about in her mid to late 30’s, with her son, who was about 7 or 8. We were at the front of the lines, next I guess, and we both started to put things on the belts. As I was getting my stuff, she whacked her son “up side the head” with a package, and I could hear it hit! 

It was an error, and she was all over him apologizing with OMG! Honey, what did I do? Oh my dearest, I am so sorry!

It was a pretty hollow box of stuff and he hardly felt it, and did not cry and it was fine. She continued to fill the belt, but now had my attention.

There it was, the reason she hit the kid! Her focus (her attention) was on an iPhone she had in a death grip in her left hand! She was reading texts while shopping, and never saw her package as a weapon, she just kept on reading.

She hardly skipped a beat!

I hope she changed her focus for the ride home.

The Sandwich

It was lunch time and I was in my car, and was out shopping. I had come from the house and had taken a cold diet coke with me and thought I ought to get a sandwich or a hot dog or a piece of pizza. These were my major considerations.

I was at the bank and next door was Sobeys Supermarket, the new one with a large “gourmet food section”. I could go to Costco for a cheap hot dog but it meant parking again and getting through Costco at noon is a bit difficult most days.

Into Sobeys I went, and looking over a huge lunch counter of gourmet carry out I realized they had fresh sandwiches to go. They had a few specials printed on cards, and one was a roast beef and provolone and another was a Montréal smoked meat sandwich. For my American friends, Montreal smoked meat is the Canadian equivalent of corned beef. It’s just as popular, but instead of being a corned brisket, it’s a pastrami kind of thing and it’s great, especially if it’s fresh and hot! It’s a kosher-style deli meat product made by salting and curing beef brisket with spices. The brisket is allowed to absorb the flavors over a week, and is then hot smoked to cook through, and finally steamed to completion.

I stood at the beautiful new counter, full of food, and there were no customers. There were also no employees. It was 12:20p.m., on a weekday! As I looked around I saw one woman in a white uniform with gloves in her hands and said, “I’d like to order a Montréal smoked meat sandwich please”. It was if I’d said something very bad. She stared at me and kind of ran away. 

There was a big sign over my head that said: Special, Montreal smoked meat sandwich $4.99. This was a great price.

Another woman came out, with a white uniform on and gloves on her hands and looked at me and I said, “I’d like to order a Montréal smoked meat sandwich please”. She looked at me startled, turned around quickly, and ran into the same place the first woman ran. A minute later a young guy dressed like a chef came out with the other two women sneaking in behind him, and another woman way in the back (they must have employees but they hide) and he had a hat on which seemed to give him secret powers so he could talk.

I said, “I’d like to order a Montréal smoked meat sandwich please”. He said (HE SPOKE!!!) “We no longer carry that product here but you can go around to the meat department and they can get it for you” and he said this very quickly as he wanted to run away. I laughed and changed the order to a roast beef and provolone and that made everyone easier and they all came out of the rabbit hole.

I was asked if I’d like it toasted which I did, and they did. However, they had no steamer or anything so the roll was great and toasted but the insides, roast beef, provolone and fresh veggies including mushrooms was all cold as a refrigerator. The man with a hat also told me they can’t change the sign so it will continue to say Montreal smoked meat.

A piece of tape or a marker would end the sign I guess, but a multi-billion dollar corporation wouldn’t have the means to figure this out or pay for a new sign.

I think they will not be in the “gourmet carry out business much longer!”