Extinguishing Behavior

In the late 60’s, in my graduate program, we were required to take Developmental Psychology. This was a great course for me; I learned much of life’s lessons, or at least the root of them.

As a young father of three boys, the lessons learned could, or should be brought to bear immediately. This was parenting training if there ever was such.

An important lesson to be learned was related to Operant Conditioning, and in that, Extinguishing Behavior.

Extinction is the lack of any consequence following a behavior. When a behavior is inconsequential, producing neither favorable nor unfavorable consequences, it will occur with less frequency. When a previously reinforced behavior is no longer reinforced with either positive or negative reinforcement, it leads to a decline in the response.

There it was, a simple solution to the world’s problems, or at least to my own.

This was, in simple terms, the seemingly non active act of ignoring stuff! Pay no attention and it will go away (eventually).

My second son was not easily ignored, nor is he still. He had a one track mind, and it was his track!

We were having a family dinner. My wife, our kids, and my in-laws were in the dining room in our house in Randallstown, MD, when son #2 leaves the table, and comes back in with a whistle! I can’t remember if it was a whistle I had given him (God forbid) or one he had found. The year must have been 1968, and he was two. He put the whistle to his lips and he blew!

Mr. Know It All (that’s me), the knower of Developmental Psychology, decides to extinguish the behavior. I tell everyone assembled not to pay attention to the little darling, but just pretend it’s not happening and it will go away.

He blows again and looks at all of us, smiles and blows again. He keeps stopping waiting for something to happen, but nothing does. He continues to smile, laugh, and blow on the
damned whistle!

After ten minutes of grinning through clenched teeth and telling every one to be cool, my experiment failed! I couldn’t ride out the assault! I grabbed him, the whistle and carried him out of the room.

The fact that he will read this lets you know I didn’t kill him, although I thought about it.

If I only could have waited it out. He should have been finished by now….