Eulogy

Eulogies were on my mind today for some reason. I thought I’d do a few words on them.

In the 50’s, my mother, who was one of those people concerned about public speaking, was asked to go to a church, somewhere in downtown Baltimore, to do a eulogy for a friend. I have no idea who it was for or why my mother was picked, but she was determined to overcome her fear of public speaking and take on the eulogy. I was a kid, but I helped her by listening to her practice, as she prepared and read from file cards, much as she taught me to do.

She survived that event but tried to make sure no one ever asked her to do that again.

As it would pass, I was a shy child. My mother, in order to cure me of such shyness, enrolled me in "popular song" singing lessons. While my children believe I can’t keep a tune, my shyness dissolved with stage performances, singing my way into the hearts of elderly patients who were forced to watch the kids perform.

So, when it was my turn to do a eulogy, I was ready.

When I arrived in Calgary at ACAD, we had a Director of Student Services who was quite ill and already on medical leave. She and I became friends over the next few months as she wanted to get to know me, and I was pleased to know her, even though we knew this would be a short lived experience. When she passed, her closest friends were willing to put a eulogy together, but no one was confident enough, due to their closeness with the deceased, to do the duty. I was asked to perform, and thought maybe this was the plan from the beginning. It was a wonderful, public event at school, with musicians and poets, picked by the late Director. It was a beautiful thing!

When my mother died in 1997, we rushed from Washington to Baltimore and just made it to the cemetery in time. Two of my sons were with my mother at the end, and her sister and her family were there as well. I was traveling with the immediate family from Calgary.

The Rabbi asked me, “Who will be doing the eulogy?” I said, “You’re the Rabbi, don’t you do it?” (The truth is, what the hell do I need a Rabbi for if he’s not saying the words?) He told me generally families do it. I knew I couldn’t do that for my mother, I was a wreck as it was.

I said, “Jews do this?” He assured me they do and he was an expert in that.

My son, the lawyer, was standing by, and looked like a deer in the headlights when I told him, OK, maybe I asked him, to do the eulogy. What the hell, he had at least three minutes to prepare.

He did a wonderful job, and we all breathed a sigh of relief.

So, if you need such service, call on me, unless you’re close to me, in that case, call on my son. He’ll probably charge you, but so will a Rabbi, and he won’t do it!

Editorial note:
Within ten minutes of posting this story, my phone rang and I was informed that a young man (in his 40’s) that I knew had passed away. I think I’ll try and write about happy stuff for awhile.