The Grand River Cruise, or, Ship of Fools

We decided to go on the Grand River Dinner Cruise. Their ads say:

Grand River Dinner Cruises has been serving its famous roast beef meals onboard their three dinner cruises boats since 1978. Our Sunset Dinner Cruise is for people interested in a relaxing evening on the Grand River.
We are people interested in a relaxing evening so off we went.

There were six of us, my wife (who can not be named, as most of you know), myself , Bryan and Joanne and Les and Barbie. This is a motley crew of friends who do some things together, usually around dinner. Our association is through art, as both Bryan and Les were with me for six years on the City of Hamilton Arts Commission.

Bryan and Joanne are both retired, Les is a working sculptor and Barbie is a dental assistant and my wife and I continue to figure out what we’re doing, but it seems to be done in the arts.

However, off we go. Bryan and Joanne arrive at 5:00 p.m., an hour early, maybe for the free coffee, but perhaps because they are a bit obsessive. My wife and I arrive at about 5:30 p.m., the appointed time, and Les and Barbie make it just before the boat sails away. This is because Les decides to “rest” at 5:00!

I thought “rest” was a euphemism, as they were home alone all day and maybe the excitement of the day and a cruise got to them, but I was assured it was a nap!

This cruise, which is great fun and a pleasant experience, is not the Love Boat. There are good seats for dinner and an outside deck. There is no Cruise Director, no Lido Deck, no Purser or Isaac the Bartender; it’s a smallish boat that goes up and down a river, and the captain points out points of interest like trailer parks and chicken farms.

We orderd two bottles of wine, and another one eventually. We are having a great time, laughing and carrying on as any six friends may do, and once in a while we are interrupted by the Captain with another announcement of another local monument or fishing hole. We quiet down for these nice stories and then continue.

What I fail to realize is that Barbie is concerned about the older couple behind us and is worried we are too loud. Being an American, I didn’t even notice we were loud. Being a Canadian, Barbie just wants to apologize to anybody, it’s just her way!

As we get up to go out on the deck and feel the breeze and look for icebergs, Barbie turns around to these people and apologizes to them about the noise and explains that the eight of us have been just too loud and she is sorry.

The woman behind us informs Barbie, who may have drunk most of the wine herself, that there are only six of us!

Barbie apologizes for her counting error!