Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Biggest Loser, Biggest Boozer


It’s the Friday night after Thanksgiving and we have gathered my wife, my youngest daughter, my mother-in-law and a group of friends in a restaurant in suburban New Jersey to celebrate the season. My friend, Jay Jacobs, one of the final four from Biggest Loser’s last season shows, was in attendance with his wife and son. His daughter who was on the show with him was away.

I had some fear about eating with the Biggest Loser, as I am always getting yelled at by my family for my overeating style and weight gain. Jay had gone from 400 pounds to 244 (I think) during the duration of the show, and I watched faithfully. Now, here I was having dinner with him and I was afraid he would eat the napkin and no matter what I had it would go badly for me with my family.

Jay does not drink very often if at all, so he didn’t drink although that wasn’t a surprise. I had a martini before I left for the restaurant, one at the restaurant and some wine with dinner. Compared to Jay and the others at the table, I was the biggest boozer. Hardly did I need a designated driver, but by comparison it didn’t look good.

I had a salad to start, a green one with vinaigrette, a non-issue. I had a scallop dinner with good stuff on the side and no fried stuff and no dessert. My family all had desert, and Jay ate well. I was delighted he had no particular eating hang ups and I did well. I had a coffee and we all went home after a two to three hour visit.

At the end of the evening he remained the biggest loser and I remained the biggest boozer but we all had fun.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Car Story


Last year I was having a problem with my car. It was hesitating when I started and turned corners and the Traction Assist information flashed across the information screen in my car. I was very concerned but looked on the internet and learned it could be a computer glitch in some weird unrelated piece of stuff on my steering column. I took it in and the garage guys told me after a computer look that it was just such a problem and if it continued I should bring it back, as it was intermittent. I agreed and never saw it again until last week, when it got cold.

I related the concept to perhaps cold weather, and it was irritating, and I was on the verge of dealing with it, but I have to make a long trip this week, and decided to wait and see if it went away.

As I got into my car after work yesterday, all hell broke loose. The Traction Assist light lit, and the Service Stabilization Unit message came on followed by the Service Brake Assist message and the ABS light went off.

I had messages galore as well as two lights on full blast. The car seemed fine but I was in a panic. I was in a hurry, but I went directly to the garage and asked for help. I was assured, that even if I had a big trip planned, the ABS and the Traction Control were not problems unless I was going into a snow storm which is highly unlikely.

I asked to be seen today if possible, and they put me into the book. I asked for a loner vehicle and they had one and I was written into the calendar. They offered me a car and said  I could leave mine but I needed it last night and didn’t want to go out in the loner car with their name emblazoned on the side.  I decided to come back this morning with my car.

I started to drive out of the lot when I pulled over and ran back inside. Everything had just gone back to normal! The lights were gone. The messages stopped. The traction control was fine and the car was great last night in a cold and bad rainstorm, I got a high-five from the garage owner as he removed me from the list.

The Lord moves in mysterious ways I guess, but all seems to be right with the world this morning!


Tuesday, November 22, 2011

A Great Detroit Joke

The three Goldberg brothers, Norman, Hyman, and Maximillian invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17th, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97ºF.
 

The 3 brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that 3 gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.
They persuaded him to get into the car which was about 130º - turned on the air-conditioner and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them 3 million dollars for the patent.
The brothers refused saying they would settle for 2 million but they wanted the recognition by having a label "The Goldberg Air-Conditioner" on the dashboard of each car that it was installed in.
Now old man Ford was more than just a little bit anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldbergs' name on 2 million Ford cars.
They haggled back and forth for about 2 hours and finally agreed on 4 million dollars and that just their first names would be shown.
 

And so, even today, all Ford air-conditioners show on the controls the names "Norm", "Hi", and "Max".

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Versace at H&M


Photo and most of the story from the Montréal Gazette



By 12:30 p.m. it was all over save disappointment for some and fully loaded gold embossed trophy bags for others.

Unfashionably late fashion fans who did not line up in the wee hours for a piece of Versace for H&M found the racks depleted after staff opened the gates for remainders of the collection at about 12:30 Saturday afternoon.

It was a mad swarm for a last grab at the merchandise, according to many accounts.

Some fans starting lining up at 3 p.m. Friday afternoon for the 8 a.m. launch Saturday of the collection, the latest in the Swedish retailing giants list of guest designers.

Michael Mancini came in from Ottawa with his daughter, Clara, 13. At just after 10 a.m.,the pair were loaded with dresses, scarves and other accessories. Clara said she lined up at 4 a.m. for a bracelet that would allow access to a gated area in the store to shop. Her father said he declined to line up that early.

“I love how they are out of people’s comfort zone,” said Clara, who plans to go to design school. “They’re always original, they’re really trendy and they set new styles,” she said, explaining why she likes Versace.

Clara said she had researched the line in the past few months, so she was aware it was a collection based on archival designs.

Tara Sigal, 26, was at the cash with a huge haul of clothing, whose tally came to about $1,400.

“I literally took everything in a Size 2. I’m going to take it home, try it on. I think the whole collection is great. Whatever looks good I’m going to keep. If not I’ll bring it back.

“You got to get what you can.”

Sigal, who makes airline uniforms, said it was her first foray to an H&M collaboration collection.

“I love the colours,” she said of the Versace line.

My daughter arrived a few minutes late and never got a wrist band which eliminated her from getting in during the initial rush. They only let in a few at a time as space was at a premium. At 12:30, the late ones could return and be let in to see what was left.



Of course, the perfect dress was left and at 12:32 we got the call.  My daughter had grabbed this one out of someone’s hands as they thought about the purchase, and went to a secure spot to call and discuss this with her mother (and me through off mike shouting). The decision was to get it as if you don’t you will regret it forever. It will always be “the one that got away”.



All shoppers have “the one that got away” stories and always have some “the one that I got” ones as well.



I have a sad tale about a set of oak Chinese Chippendale chairs sitting out on a curb for $600 ($100 apiece) that I didn’t buy (too much money) and a pair of Timberland  boots at a factory discount store that kept getting cheaper, so I pocketed (OK, it’s stealing, sort of) the laces out of them, and bought them a few weeks later for $17.50.


My daughter is a happy camper, I’m $200 poorer, but a guy who encourages bargains and hopefully creates the situation for lifelong memories.


Editor’s Note: My daughter, when returning to H&M, hit a snag. The Santa Claus Parade had started and she was not allowed to cross the street. She tried and was turned back by a uniformed guard and told not to cross until after 1:30 p.m. when then parade had finished.

She saw a woman walking with an H&M Versace bag and approached her, who it turned out was also trying to cross the street. They formed a partnership, wandered back past that guards area of responsibility and waited until the parade was walking by. They both darted into the parade and made their way across the street and back to H&M.

My daughter was let in with the woman and proceeded to look for items, and found a small purse for $125. She gave that to someone else and managed to get the dress away from someone else in the correct size.






Friday, November 18, 2011

Phone Wars


My wife and I were sitting in a restaurant this afternoon eating lunch, when we both realized simultaneously that the two women to my right, sitting just a few feet away from us, were heavily engaged in phone messaging. Both women, in their mid-forties, were looking at their hands holding a Blackberry (the closer one) and an I-phone, the farther one and texting I guessed.
I leaned over and said, “Excuse me; I know this is the twenty-first century, but are you really talking to each other using your phones to text?”

There was a great deal of laughter (thankfully for Mr. Nosey) and a whole bagful of explanations. They were both on their phones alright, texting different people. One woman was from the US, and was wondering why, in this land of the Blackberry, she had to use Wi-Fi to text out although she could receive. The other was doing something else, and I really didn’t care except if they were texting each other I thought I had discovered a new phenomenon.

By the time we left my wife had given them our whole lineage as Americans, and as Canadians and I just wanted to leave.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Ghost Sock


I walked into my bedroom on Monday morning while trying to get ready to go to work, and I surveyed the mess. My daughter gets ready for school before we do, and we have a full length mirror in our room with enough room to stand back and survey yourself. This is a draw for our children of course, so she naturally comes in every morning to check herself out and make changes, as she often does.

She is not neat!

There was a print sock on the floor in front of the cedar chest at the bottom of our bed and a sweater on the ironing board and a crumpled sweatshirt on our bed. I picked up the whole mess, including the  sock that seemed to be clean, and put it all in a pile on the bed. After I showered and dressed, I went downstairs and complained to my wife about my daughter’s mess, and how I had picked it all up and put it in a pile on our bed.

In the evening, on the way to dinner, my wife told me she had lost a sock about a year ago, a print one, and suddenly it had appeared on the floor near the cedar chest, and she was thankful that she had saved the old one.

I corrected her, of course, because it was in a neat pile on the bed. She had wondered about that herself, because she found then articles of clothing scattered around the room, on the floor, the bed and the ironing board.

My daughter had gone to school before I even picked up her laundry.

Goosebumps arose all over my arms when I realized the implications.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

The Phone Call


Not exactly the same phones pictured but a close relative.
I never read anything on the new phones I purchased; I just had a deal so I went for it. My basement phones (one regular cordless and one drone) were beginning to display problems by stopping the display on the call display feature. All I had was unreadable gibberish.

It says in the ad on the Source website (which is where I purchased it but not ever read it):
“When you are away from your handset, the Panasonic DECT 6.0 Plus conveniently announces the caller's name between rings courtesy of text-to-speech technology, so you don't have to rush over to answer the phone if the call is not important.”

With no knowledge of this feature, I sat at my desk and was using the computer when the phone rang. A disembodied voice suddenly said, “You have a call from Fortino’s”.(This is a supermarket found around Hamilton).

I jumped a few feet in the air as I was home alone and had no idea what the hell was happening.

I still had the phone box sitting next to my desk and hurriedly read the outside to discover my own computerized phone had been talking to me.

I am calm now, and just a minute ago the phone told me the Hamilton Lib-ar-y was calling. You can give it a voice but it still has trouble with pronounciation.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Printer


The printer was a problem. I had purchased new ink when the low ink notice came up, and I assumed that would be that. However, my printer seemed to have a mind of its own and it continued to give me the low ink notice.

Now we all know what a pain this ink and printer business is, and the fact that they could give away the printers just so we will buy ink. My old office color laser cost $224 to buy and the new ink was $700! I only did that once and threw away the printer the next time.

I have at home a Canon MX320, it came free with my daughters Mac when she bought it and she didn’t want to take it to McGill, as they had access to printers and she didn’t need this giant boat anchor with her. I like it because it has a scanner and works as a copier as well.

I was quite surprised when the sign came up, and I tried reinstalling the ink to no avail.

My daughter and my wife have both complained and I knew it was still working so I paid no attention.

This morning my wife informed me the ink was out and I was getting to the boiling point. I decided that if I couldn’t fix it, I would buy a new printer rather than get another bad cartridge from Staples.

I came downstairs and checked the color cartridge to feel the weight, and compared it with the black ink which was the culprit, and the color was much heavier. I didn’t understand this one unless the drying out of the ink made it lighter. I said out loud to no one in particular,” I know I bought new ink”, and I pointed to the box with the ink sitting right in front of me at eye level, next to the office phone.

The light bulb over my head went off at this point, because if the box with the ink is sitting in front of me, it’s not in the printer! I was correct, I had purchased the new ink, I just failed to open the box and install the cartridge!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

The Good Letter


Received by email early last week:
McGill University
Montréal, Québec, Canada

November 04, 2011

Re: Student Account of ______________

Dear______________,

This is a notification that your monthly e-bill from McGill Student Accounts
is ready.
Your current balance is $3.69. Outstanding balances are due by
30-Nov-2011.

Note that account balances of less than $10.00 are not charged interest; all
balances
owed to the University must be paid prior to graduating or leaving McGill.
To view the details of your e-bill, you must log in to Minerva (the McGill
Web
Information System) and navigate to the Student Accounts Menu under Student.

Please note that this balance is not being reduced by any future deposits or
post-dated
cheques that may be applied to your fee account before the stated fee
deadline. Nor does it take into account any fee deferrals you may have. Please review your actual
e-bill for messages concerning the above, or your Account Summary by Term to view your current
balance, including an up-to-date list of transactions.

Thank You.

McGill University
Financial Services — Student Accounts
Montréal, Québec

I have no idea, even after looking at the actual on-line bill, what the $3.69 is for but I really don’t care. It may be the lowest bill I have even received for anything as most places wouldn’t spend the money to bill you for so little. It’s worth that to keep them away for a month.
I paid it, in full!




Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The Package

A package came for me the other day, not a surprise, but something I ordered. It was sent to my surprise from New Jersey, a surprise because it was from what I thought was a Canadian company, Newegg.ca. As it turns out there is a Canadian Corporation, but it is in New jersey and everyrthing gets sent from there.

It was sent Purolator, and had a tracking number for me to follow. The package arrived and I was not home so it was sent to the local office at the airport for 5 days or it would be shipped back to New Jersey.

I drove out to the airport one afternoon, which takes 25 minutes each way, effectively killing the savings I had made by ordering the thing through their website.

The object, a Wi-Fi dongle, is the size if a pushpin and could have been delivered in an envelope.

As you can see, it was packaged in a box, the box was padded for safety and “comfort” I guess, and it was blister packed in the packing.

Look at it and you will understand, there is nothing more I need to say.