Saturday, June 26, 2010

Simulated Xylonite and other disasters...

I can’t remember if I’ve told this one before, but I looked through all of them (up to 380) and can’t find it easily, so, here we go.

In 1958 we would drive around aimlessly on a Friday night looking for girls, parties, friends etc. and just hang out. We didn’t really ever accomplish much, but we had a good time.

Often, if it was late, we’d listen to WCKY from Cincinnati, Ohio, a 50,000 watt station pushing out old time country music to the world.

From Wikipedia :

WCKY is an
AM radio station in Cincinnati, Ohio, USA, broadcasting at 1530 kHz with 50,000 watts, and its transmitter is located in nearby Villa Hills, Kentucky

WCKY dates back to the late 1920s, and achieved a 50,000 watt signal in the early 1940s. It was founded by
L.B. Wilson, a longtime broadcaster in the region. Originally, WCKY was licensed to Covington, Kentucky, and was treated as a Kentucky-based station. This status helped WCKY's case before the FCC to increase power to 50,000 watts by the late 1930s - even though it was literally across the river from Cincinnati, Ohio and fellow 50,000 watt station WLW. WCKY's city of license moved to Cincinnati by the early 1960s. During the Cuban missile crisis in 1962, WCKY was used to broadcast news and information to the area, due to its southerly directional signal pattern.

The advertising was particularly hilarious to us, as it was a country music station delivering to a country audience and selling products that made no sense to sophisticated urban teen aged boys.

Featured were such products as an autographed picture of Jesus, reading glasses (“Do you have trouble reading the small print in your bible?”) which came, by the way, in a genuine simulated xylonite* case and chickens by mail, the root of my troubles in this story.

Four of us were driving around looking for something to do when the free chickens commercial came on the radio. It was almost free, as there were some shipping costs, but it was $2.00 for 100 chickens! Guaranteed live delivery! How could we resisit?

We figured if we split it four ways, we would each put up fifty cents (we did this immediately) and send for the chickens. I agreed to be the sender. Now, we needed someone to send them to.

Our friend Ted’s name came up and we thought that since he was not with us, he had no vote so we’d send them to him. Besides, why tell him, he’d find out soon enough!

I dutifully took the money, wrote down the information and made my plans. We thought that rather than send them to Ted, as he had too Jewish a name and they’d know we were fooling around (were we nuts?), we’d give him a country name so it would be OK.

Now there were not a lot of farms in Baltimore, Maryland, which was where we were sending them, but we were worried about names. So we invented a country name, Ezekiel Miller (who knows where that came from or why I could remember this after all these years.) We sent for 100 chickens to be sent to Mr. Miller at Ted’s Baltimore home, without his knowledge. We quickly forgot about the whole thing and life continued.

If nothing happened after that, I’d have no story, but, it did happen. Some weeks later Ted called and asked me if I knew anything about chickens. I cracked up!

His mother was at home one day when the postman rang the bell and told her he had a package for her. It was very large, and she asked about it and he told her he wasn’t sure what it was but that it was alive! She also had to pay postage due, which I had to reimburse her for.

She was afraid to open the package and waited for Ted to come home and explain this to her, which he of course couldn't do.

100 baby chicks were delivered, and they were cute. Four had not survived the trip (and I’m sure they would have replaced them for free but we didn’t ask for more). The family had, at least, a sense of humor.

Ted’s father had a friend who owned a farm and the chicks were delivered out to him (I hope) and we were made to promise we’d never do this again to anyone, and we never have…

*Xylonite. Fibrous vegetable matter (e.g. cotton and flax waste and old rags), dissolved in acid and neutralized, which produced a substance called Parkesine, named after its inventor, Edmund Alexander Parkes (1813–90), of Birmingham. In its liquid state it was used as a waterproofing agent, in its plastic form for insulation, and, with the addition of oils, glues, and colour, for making objects, e.g. tubes and architectural enrichment. Capable of being coloured, and susceptible to a high polish, it was first exhibited at the International Exhibition, South Kensington, London (1862). In the 1890s it was developed as a substitute for plaster cornices, friezes, mouldings, and other decorations in rooms, and was supplied in accurately moulded prefabricated 3-metre (118.11 inches or 9.843 feet) lengths which were then fixed to timber grounds by means of screws. Its extreme light weight made it easy to handle and fix.

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