Email converstion with a Librarian

A- I received an e-reader for Christmas and going through the 8500+ eBooks you have at the library, I set them in popularity order and was shocked (for real).


I expected the Best Seller list first and wasn't sure what I'd find. A few of the best sellers were first, but the first few hundred after that were mostly erotic fiction. What the hell is this? Harlequin romance etc. is the majority. I was really surprised.

I never knew this crap existed in the huge numbers that it seems to be. I am a babe in the woods! If you want porn go out and get it. When I discovered our library system simply provides folks (I was going to say the ladies, I can't imagine a guy reading this crap) with all these guilty pleasures (soft porn I guess) I was really dumbfounded.

I know it's not your fault! I'm just surprised.


L- "romantic" (erotic!) fiction is the most popular genre! Lots of women out there who stopped being romanced by their man the minute the ring went on the finger - gotta get it somewhere, right?

I like a Harlequin once in a while – I’m a plot driven reader so I can even get by on a poorly written one for the night - there are some great stories out there with a guaranteed happy ending - just what I need sometimes!


A- I have a friend who is an editor for Harlequin (editor or something). He does extremely well it seems in the business although he doesn't readily admit it's for Harlequin.

You said "gotta get it somewhere, right?" We could explore this concept, but we can save that for another time.


L- Suppose your friend was CEO of Cheetos? Not a bad thing.

I liken Harlequin to "junk food for the mind"! It fills its purpose. Never apologize for what you like to eat, or what you like to read!!


A- Ya' done me in with your response!

Paranormal Apparition

I do not keep up with the latest in Christmas yard decorations; I have no interest in such stuff. However, my next door neighbor does seem to add a few items every year or so and this year I was momentarily fascinated with it until I was overwhelmed by a feeling of dread!

As I walk up or down the steps to and from our first to our second floor, I pass a hall window looking out on my neighbor’s back yard. In the summer I look out on their pool, and in the winter I usually overlook their pool cover, except when it snows. This year they have added two lit up deer. In the evening and into the night, these two deer stand around and look wistful and very nice lit up against the snow covered pool.

I have not paid it much attention except to mentally note what a festive and peaceful tableau it all seemed to present. And than it happened, the damn deer moved!

I know nothing about this stuff, and who expected an animatronics deer! I was walking by and looked a bit longer than I had before, and the deer picked up its head! I freaked! My stomach turned over momentarily and I was in some Stephen King novel! This must be Castle Rock, Maine and I’m some teen aged kid looking at moving wire frame deer! (It was only for a second and I realized it must be a trick.)

It will not look scary in the video which is from YouTube and not one I took from my vantage point, but it is part of what is out there and “made” my Christmas this year!

Our 2010 Christmas Story

On Christmas Eve day my wife began to obsess that we didn’t have any Christmas Crackers. For those of you not Canadian or of some British decent Christmas Crackers are: From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:

Christmas crackers or bon-bons are an integral part of Christmas celebrations in the United Kingdom and Commonwealth countries such as Australia, Canada, New Zealand and South Africa. They are also popular in Ireland. A cracker consists of a cardboard tube wrapped in a brightly decorated twist of paper, making it resemble an oversized sweet-wrapper. The cracker is pulled by two people and much in the manner of a wishbone, the cracker splits unevenly. The split is accompanied by a small bang produced by the effect of friction on a chemically impregnated card strip (similar to that used in a cap gun).

Crackers are also a part of New Year celebrations in Russia (where they are called "хлопушка") and some countries of the former Soviet Union. Those are however more similar to pyrotechnical devices, normally used outdoors, activated by one person, and produce a stronger bang accompanied by fire and smoke.

In one version of the tradition the person with the larger portion of cracker empties the contents from the tube and keeps them. In another each person will have their own cracker and will keep its contents regardless of whose end they were in. Typically these contents are a coloured paper hat or crown; a small toy or other trinket and a motto, a joke or piece of trivia on a small strip of paper. Crackers are often pulled before or after Christmas dinners or at parties.

Assembled crackers are typically sold in boxes of three to twelve. These typically have different designs usually with red, green and gold colours.

We had to go out and do some food shopping at the last minute anyway, so off we went worrying about where we could find the last minute Christmas crackers.

The supermarket had none left and so we went to Shoppers Drug Mart. They were out but suggested a place way too far away to be practical. Next we tried the Dollar Store but they had none left either. My wife and daughter remembered that Chapters, the book store, had some, and off we went. My wife went in while we waited in the car and they still had some. Probably they had them because they were so expensive to start. However, being so late in the season, they were 30% off. I did complain about the price of course, but it was never going to change anything. You can’t change this horse from the way it is going.

My wife was very excited to score such a find at this late date.

So here it was Boxing Day morning (December 26 if you don’t know what Boxing Day is) and we were all having breakfast together when my wife remembered how nice it would have been if someone had remembered to take out the Crackers on Christmas!

I suggested returning the box but I knew that was a waste. So last night, at our Chinese carry-out dinner, we wore paper hats and read silly fortunes and played with dumb little toys and developed the new tradition of Boxing Day Crackers!

I am the Troll under the Bridge.....

Yesterday morning, very early, I was out with my oldest daughter at the bagel store and the woman behind the register looked at her and declared very loudly that she had the most beautiful eyes she’d ever seen. She said a line I believe is from an old Laurel and Hardy movie, “The eyes are the windows to your soul”. She just wanted us all to know she was beautiful. My daughter smiled, blushed and thanked her which was a great way to handle a compliment. I was very proud.


The week before, I was with my younger daughter and we were in a gallery and a well known local artist came be and asked me who this was. I explained it was my younger daughter and introduced her. The woman said she could not believe that such a beautiful child could ever come from someone like me! My daughter smiled, blushed and thanked her which was a great way to handle a compliment. I was proud of her and was pissed off. My daughter thought it was really funny, which it was.

However, I do get to feel like a bit like the Troll under the bridge....

A Christmas Story

I know I wrote this story before, but since it's Christmas, and it's a real Christmas story from Christmas, 2000, I thought it deserves to be retold.
I received a package at home from Chapters, the largest Canadian bookstore. Chapters also is a large Internet site with books, audio and video. A week before, I’d ordered 2 books and a video tape (Hook) as Christmas presents, so the box was expected.

After I took the box downstairs, I decided to open it, just in case there was something wrong or missing. To my surprise, it contained 7 videotapes, with Hook among them. My first thought was that my sons and their families had pitched in and bought us one big Christmas present, and with about $20-25 US for each of the tapes, they could buy 7 videos for $175. Since it contained Sandy’s favorite movie Dr. Zhivargo and one of two movies that always make me cry (Mr. Holland’s Opus, the other being Field of Dreams) along with Hook and a bunch of appropriate cartoon movies, I assumed a knowledgeable person carefully selected them. The others are the Grinch, Murder by Death, Land Before Time VII and Joseph and his Coat or something, also a cartoon. I figured my youngest son purchased them for everyone, and that Chapters had failed to include the gift card as they often make mistakes. But, just in case this was wrong, and a generous son had done this himself, I decided not to email all and make someone feel bad. So, I decided to call the Internet store to see what happened.

After ten minutes on hold (thank God for speakerphones) I spoke to a guy who assured me this was my partial order, and that they had shipped Hook. He laughed about my predicament, informed the warehouse of their error in overshipping and wished me a Merry Christmas. He said it’s now up to them to take care of it.

I know that they will ignore my response, as it will cost more to send UPS or someone to pick it all up than it is worth. Who knows. I was honest, and perhaps I’ve lived in Canada so long that I respond without larceny in my heart. However, by Christmas, this all will be mine, I guess.

This is sort of a Christmas Story, I guess.

Of couse they never responded.

Have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!

and visions of kreplach danced in their heads

This all starts with dinner the other night, as we had meat rolled in cabbage and perogis. These came from a Polish food provider housed in a suburban basement with access through a ground level window with a door (or window) bell. They offer a range of home made and frozen Polish food items. They are very good, and we all enjoy them prepared in various ways. However, I am always reminded, when we have this kind of dinner, of my grandmother, a Jewish cook of great excellence, who made fantastic meat rolled in cabbage and kreplach.

I was thinking this morning about kreplach. This is a life long fantasy, dreaming about one of my favorite things made best (of course) by my grandmother, and never duplicated.

Kreplach (from Yiddish: קרעפּלעך kreplekh, קרעפפּל krepl neut. sg.) are small dumplings filled with ground meat, mashed potatoes or another filling, usually boiled and served in chicken soup. They are similar to Italian tortellini and Chinese wontons. In many Ashkenazi homes, kreplach are served on Rosh Hashanah, at the pre-fast meal before Yom Kippur, and on Hoshana Raba. Kreplach with vegetarian or dairy fillings are also eaten on Purim because the hidden nature of the kreplach interior mimics the "hidden" nature of the Purim miracle. A variety with a sweet cheese filling is served as a starter or main dish in dairy meals, specifically on Shavuot. Stuffed pasta may have migrated from Venice to the Ashkenazi Jews in Germany during the 14th century.

The word krepl is probably derived from the Old High German kraepfo meaning grape. The Middle English word grapple is related (from a grape vine hook).

There are recipes of course for kreplach, and there are delis and caterers who prepare them but some things in life are best in memory. My first pizzas, my first fast food hamburgers (when I swear they had taste) and maybe my first kiss. But for me and many more like me, its Grandma’s cooking (or Mothers cooking for some) that wins every time.

We had Jewish food, or Eastern European food or maybe Russian/Lithuanian food but whatever mixture it was, it was wonderful.

Her rolled cabbage had raisins in a tangy sweet tomato sauce and I did love it, but today I want to focus on kreplach.

She made huge ones, and mounds of them. They went in her chicken soup and were added just before serving. Some of them (I swear just made for me or so I felt at the time) were lovingly smeared in chicken fat (schmaltz) and put on cookie sheets and baked in the oven. They were hot, salty and fantastic! You could put them in soup or eat them on a plate. I think they may have been sprinkled with a bit of paprika and some cinnamon as well. They became browned and a bit crusty and it was heaven! The recipes below suggest frying them which works as well but does not include the loving and tender schmaltz treatment!

Here are a couple of kreplach recipes I found on the net. I have not tried them but thought I’d include some anyway.

#1

Kreplach Dough

½ tsp salt

2 eggs; slightly beaten

2 cups flour; unsifted (scant)

KREPLACH PREPARATION:

Add salt to eggs, add eggs to flour. Mix with your hands until the dough leaves the sides of the bowl. It should be fairly stiff. Knead until the dough is smooth and elastic. Roll out on a lightly floured board. Roll and stretch until it is paper thin. Cut into 3” squares. Place 1 Tblsp of filling i(see below) in center of each square and fold to make a triangle. Crimp edges with a fork and cook in boiling water.

Cook until they rise to the top; about 10 or 12 minutes. DO NOT COOK IN THE SOUP.

You may warm them in the soup.

FILLING

2 cups veal; cooked and ground

1 egg

1 tablespoon onion; minced salt and pepper to taste

FILLING PREPARATION:

Put all the ingredients for the filling in the food processor leaving the eggs for last.

Recipe makes about 30.

#2

DOUGH:

2 cups flour

½ tsp salt

3 tbsp. Oil

2 egg yolks

½ cup water

1 ½ tsps. Baking powder or baking soda

FILLING:

1 onion diced

2 Tbsp. Oil

1 cup cooked ground beef or chicken

1 tsp. Salt

¼ tsp. Pepper

1 egg

1 Tbsp. Matzoh meal

DOUGH:

In a large bowl combine flour, salt and oil. In a separate bowl, beat egg yolks, water and baking powder (or soda). Add to flour mixture. Knead and roll out thin on floured board. Cut into 3-inch squares or circles.

FILLING:

Saute onion in oil. Add ground beef or chicken and brown for 5 minutes. Remove from heat and cool. Add salt, pepper, egg and matzoh meal and mix well.

On floured board roll dough out as thin as possible without tearing. Cut rolled out dough into 3-inch squares. Place a teaspoon of filling carefully in center. Bring point 1 up to point 4 and seal edges. Moisten edges with tip of finger dipped in cold water to keep seams closed.

Place in boiling water. Cook approximately 20 minutes until kreplach float to top. When ready, remove from pot and serve in soup.

NOTE: This can also be served as a side dish. For crisp kreplach, fry boiled kreplach in heated oil in 10-inch skillet over medium flame until golden brown on both sides.

Yields: 18 kreplach

#3
DOUGH:

1 ¾ flour

2 eggs

½ tsp. Salt

3 Tbsp. Oil

FILLING

1 cup ground cooked beef or chicken

1 small onion, grated

1 tsp. salt

DOUGH: in a large bowl combine dough ingredients together. Knead and roll out thin on floured board. Cut into 3-inch squares or circles.

FILLING: in a small bowl mix filling ingredients well. See Kreplach illustrated for filling and folding. Kreplach can now be either boiled and served in soup or sauted in oil.

TO BOIL: Place in boiling salted water. Cook approximately 20 minutes until kreplach float to top.

TO SAUTE: Heat oil over medium flame in 10-inch skillet. Saute boiled kreplach until golden brown on both sides.

NOTE: Dough will roll out more easily after being wrapped in a damp cloth for one hour.

YIELDS: 18 Kreplach

and now the long and boring road to the new TV or why I got so mad at my wife !

As I mentioned yesterday, the new TV went up on the wall. This was a replacement for our current bedroom TV, a nice one but a bit small (19”) so that while it was great to watch the news in the morning while we got dressed, it didn’t work for watching shows from the bed.


I never wear my distance glasses in the house; I leave them in the car. In our family room we have the 50”TV and it’s easy to see, and in the playroom we have our old style 36”, but the seating is close, plus I seldom am in there so it doesn't matter.

However, once in a while I enjoy watching a show from bed and can’t do it now. So, my Christmas present to us was a 42” TV which was a large as I could get to fit into the allowable space. My wife thinks I got it planning a terminal illness and the need to be bed ridden.

This meant we needed another digital cable box and a wall hanging unit to complete the picture. I had a cable already in the room and hooked up to the old one, but if I was going the whole way, I needed to add digital to the room.

I tried to do all this for as little money as possible, and in this quest there is the hunt!

We start with the TV. If I wanted plasma, I wanted 1080p and not 720p, because if I wanted HD, it had to be able to get there. If I went LCD, I really wanted a refresh rate of 120 HZ, not 60HZ, but I wasn’t sure what I could get and do it cheap.

I really start to sound like an engineer and it scares me!

I check all the web sites looking for a deal and was not finding anything I liked. Then, there was this Canadian Tire ad which included a 42” LCD TV. It was 1080p and probably 60 HZ, but I needed to look it up. Unfortunately, at first glance, it was a brand I’d never heard of. The small one I was replacing was also from there and was a brand unknown to me, and it has been fine.

With a bit of internet knowhow I was able to determine a model number (not actually listed in the ad), it was a Hisence LCD42V68PAM. This is of course unheard of in Canada, and in the US, but turns out to be a common brand in Australia, as well as Asia, Europe, Africa and South America. There was not much to go on however, as the web site left much to be desired.

I went out to Canadian Tire to look at this thing, and it was not working due to an electrical problem the store was having. I waited a bit and a guy came by to reset everything and the TV’s started working again and I could see the set in action. It looked really great, although it was not in comparison to anything else because it sat there alone.

After a bit if fiddling around, I knew it was good, had a one year warranty, was now (for a while we hope) imported into Canada and was sold by Canadian Tire, a company I trust to stand by their merchandise. I decided to buy it.

The price was (they said) $649.99 reduced by 1/3 to $429.99, an unheard of price. The closest I had gotten by now was $489.99 at Wal-Mart for a 40” set.

I took it home (it was pretty big in the car) and had to get it into the house and up the stairs which was doable, thankfully.

Next, I had to assemble it, which only means adding the base so it could sit on my dresser so I could try it out and make sure it was working and looking good before I start to throw away boxes, etc. I needed help in doing this so I reluctantly asked my daughter for help. She did, even though we had a shouting match and some bad blood as always before we finally got it together and I could attach the cable wire and remove the old one and try it out. Everything seemed good except the cable by itself just gets me the basic cable and I needed to see if it all worked.

Off to the basement to get my upconverting DVD player to try out the 1080p stuff, and when installed I could look at Avatar and see if it was beautiful. The next challenge was, of course, if I really wanted to do this right I needed an HDMI cable. Nothing comes with one and I went on line to see if one was available for my price, the low one. Basically there were crazy prices, and I knew that if I went to eBay I could get one for $2 or so, but it could take two weeks and I would not wait that long. After looking through the big boys and finding $40-$50 price tags, I went to factorydirect.com and found one for $15 or so and went there to buy one. Having now secured the HDMI cable, I discovered it was beautiful and watched Avatar for a while.

A friend told me at a party the next day that the cable provider was offering a new HD box for free for the first year. That price was right and I arranged for one to be sent.

When that box arrived, it came with about $25-30 worth of cables and stuff, but no HDMI cable, so off I went the next day to Canada Computers which was closer to where I was going for some other stuff and got the HDMI for $16.

Now home to make the set up.

After installing all the wires I called the set up number provided and answered a few questions. They needed serial numbers, about three of them to get my box aligned and the first one they needed was not what I had. It turns out that while they said where the number could be found and what letter it could start with, perhaps in some of the models it was different. So armed with a flash light, my reading glasses, a pen and paper I went into a search mode to get what they needed. After several false starts even more boring than this story, I got downloaded.

Almost done, just program the remote and we were gold.

It did not want to accept my digital code taken from their book and the TV was not programming on the “clicker”. I had, however, looked up problems with this TV on the web, and was armed with information. The tech lady, who had never heard of Hisence, had the same code I had in the book, the same one I was reading. I assured her there was another code, because there was a problem on the net, the same as mine, but with a different service provider and they had used the wrong codes. After a bit of research, she found the correct code and I was able to program the remote.

Now there was just the programming code for the DVD player (easy) and now, only the problems involved with hanging the TV on the wall.

Searching through TV wall mounts was a challenge. One begins to question logic when the same knid of devise sells for anywhere from $30 to $400, and you have to intuit the differences.

I called Hisence to check if the TV had a standard VESA mount. VESA (Video Electronics Standards Association, is an international standards body for computer graphics founded in 1989 by NEC Home Electronics and eight other video display adapter manufacturers. They told me I was in luck but under no conditions should I use a tilting mount. I assured the people that I was only using a standard fixed wall mount as I guess if you tilt it a big piece of the plastic back could break off.

.Everything was set and my next door neighbor came over and with his help we measured, drilled, screwed and mounted the TV to the wall. In the package with the TV was a large plastic piece that Hisence tech could not explain to me, which turned out to be the finishing piece after we removed the base my daughter had worked on so diligently with me.

And now, all the parts were on, it was all hooked up and was working beautifully, and one does not have to wonder why, when my wife came up at 11:00 p.m. later that day I was dramatically disturbed by her saying to my all but asleep person, “It’s too low, you have to move it up!”

I rest my case!