The Christmas Gift

My daughter was at work yesterday when an older woman and her two middle aged daughters came in for refreshments. After coffee, and as they were leaving, the mother noticed a display of coffee mugs as a Christmas promotion and she decided to purchase a few. One of the other clerks rang up the sale and told the older woman that then gifts were returnable after Christmas with a receipt. They were returnable for up to 30 days, as she had been instructed to tell customers.

Simple thanks would have been in order, but the woman told her it was not necessary. The clerk was insistent that she know the information, and encouraged her to take the receipt. Again, a simple thank you would suffice right here.

One of the daughters chimed in about then, and in a stage whisper assured her it was not necessary, as her mother was terminally ill and these were the last Christmas gifts she would ever give. As such, they would not be returned.

Fa la la la la, la la, la la.

 

From December, 2010...A Christmas Story

I was standing in the postal line at Shopper’s Drug.
The Shoppers Drug chain has sort of replaced the traditional post office in many Canadian cities. A small, full service postal outlet exists in most of the stores around here.

There were several people at the counter; putting stamps on cards, filling out papers etc. and two women were in front of me in the line with several more people behind. I was watching the woman in front of me impatiently wait her turn. She was examining almost all of the items on the shelves on both sides of our line. She seemed determined to touch or handle in some way at least fifteen different products while we waited. In front of her there was a woman who should have blended into the background, but she caught my attention.

The woman must have been around 60, with stringy hair and older clothing. She was unkempt, but not looking homeless or out of place, just sort of disheveled. She had a medium to large mailing envelope with her and there was another one on the shelf next to us that looked like she could have put it there. The woman in front of me asked her if the envelope was hers and she said she had taken it, and was going to put it back when she got finished in line. I knew immediately she was lying, they came in packages of two!

She had an object she was fooling with, a pink belt like contraption that may have held books, or dogs or something, but it was something she had picked up in the store. She may have had other objects that I never saw in the envelope. She was trying out various ways of folding it so it made the smallest footprint in the envelope.

When she got it fixed, she pulled the tape on the envelope and stuck it together, it was closed! Next, from her purse,. She pulled a pen. She addressed the envelope she was prepared.

Her turn arrived and she went up, and had the attendant weigh the package, and she paid the postage! She did not pay for the gift or the envelope!

This is the perfect crime! You involve the post office as an unwitting partner!

What guts, she didn’t even bring in her own envelope! You just pick your “gift”, steal your envelope and mail it to yourself!

No store detective can find the missing item on you nor tamper with the mail to find it!

 

A Day at the Circus from 2009

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

A Day At The Circus

This seems like a story I’ve already told but I can’t seem to find it here, so maybe I’ve just told it many times before.

In the early 90’s when I was in Massachusetts, I had an opportunity to fulfill a childhood dream, one I really never had thought about, but when presented with the opportunity, I couldn’t refuse.

I was the Vice President of the Beverly, MA Chamber of Commerce, and the Chamber sponsored a circus that was coming to Beverly. This traveling circus (a name that has been lost in time) was on the road close to 250 days a year, and put up and took down the big top every day or two. It was huge by our standards, and lots of fun.

The Head of the chamber was unable to participate on one of the days and asked the President, who could not be there, so they asked me to welcome the people to the circus. This sounds like a normal kind of thing, welcome the people, but not so in the circus. I had to go out with the ringmaster and welcome everyone from the center ring!

There I was, in my big boys clothes (coat and tie I think), standing with a man who was wearing a blue sequined suit, and he handed me the mike. Friends, my wife and daughter were all in the audience, somewhere up in the stands, and I said, “Ladies and Gentleman and Children of all Ages, I am Arthur Greenblatt, Vice President of the Beverly Chamber of Commerce and I would like to welcome you to the circus!

I was surrounded by horses with ladies in exotic costumes and clowns; it was almost like art school!

It was one of my finest days!

J.R Cigar

 

On their web site, J.R Cigar says:

J·R is the world’s largest online cigar store. We have the best selection of handmade and machine-made cigars, samplers, bundles, humidors, humidor accessories, lighters, pipe tobacco, hookah tobacco, and other smoking accessories. We also carry E-cigarettes, coffee, tea, and fragrances. Search our inventory of world-famous handmade premiums such as Montecristo, Cohiba, Romeo y Julieta, ACID, H. Upmann, Macanudo, Rocky Patel, Oliva, Partagas, and more! We’ve had quality smokes at the lowest prices since 1971. Don’t forget to browse our great catalog deals, weekly specials, and auctions to save a lot of dough or to get free stuff to add to your collection. And if you want to know everything there is to know about cigars, visit the J·R University.

In New Jersey where my wife hails from, J.R is a large Cigar and Perfume retailer, and the best of the Discount perfumers. It’s her first thought in finding high end, discount priced perfume.

They have a number of locations around the US, and it turns out there is one in Southfield, Michigan. We saw it from the car last week, and when we left to go shopping, J.R was high on our list. We drove up to the store, but their parking lot was full on the Saturday afternoon. Surprised, we found parking on the lot of the next door financial institution which was closed. My mother-in-law stayed in the car with me while my daughter and wife went in to J.R.

We waited, and after a bit, they returned. It seems that the Southfield retail store does not have fragrances, and instead is a smoking den.

The ladies were invited in and through the blue haze they discovered a large group of men all smoking in the afternoon. All the boys were delighted to have two young ladies experience the joys of cigar smoking with them.

My two fellow travelers choked their way back to us, smelling like cigar smoke.

In a few hours they were once again home and able to launder their clothing and their hair and get back to smelling normal once

Golden Arches

There was a huge accident on the Expressway leaving Toronto yesterday, and I was forced to leave the highway, as was everyone else, and hit the surface streets. After taking my mother in law to the airport in 45 minutes, it took 2 ½ hours to return.

About 12:30 p.m., I was looking for a place to get a lunch to go. While not my first choice, there was a McDonalds that showed up on the right hand side of the street, the way I was going. This was no time to stand on ceremony, so Mickey D’s it was.

After I got my lunch I returned to my car to set out the frugal repast in driving and eating order. A nice looking young couple exited the McDonalds just after me, and since they were “dressed up”, a rare thing for me to see in today’s world, I noticed them. The young man had on a suit and tie and the young lady was wearing a dress and coat. I admired them for a moment, as they got into their provincial car, a new white sedan that said Ontario on the doors. It made me take notice as I wondered who got official cars, and it quickly left my mind.

I started the car, and while leaving I looked to my left into the window of the white sedan. They were “going at it” in the front seat! While clothes were still on, they were rolling over each other much to my surprise. I shouted at them (although our windows were all closed and mine was just an automatic reaction) “You can’t do that in a Provincial car!”

I laughed and drove off realizing once again that clothes do not make the man, although an absence of clothes must make something. I couldn’t sit around and wait to see what carryout looked in their car.

Way Too Big!

I have always said, “Never eat anything bigger than your head”. On Sunday, with good intentions, I almost did.

We had gone to Toronto to the Island Airport to pick up my mother in law coming in from Newark. On the return trip we always try and stop in West Bloor Village to do some grocery shopping for fresh fruits and vegetables from several small Asian markets.

After shopping, we usually stop for coffee and some baked goods from a small European bakery to eat in the car on the way home. I always stay in the car and allow my wife to make the selections, as she will anyway, and it’s easiest just to let her choose. It will never be too bad; at least it wasn’t up until yesterday.

She chooses things she will like, and never looks for chocolate which I of course would want but is not in her circle of acceptable for bad items anyway. It always turns out to be a fruit based item and she will determine they are too large, so the two will become one and split for the ride home. I know what to expect so I am not disappointed.

For some unknown reason yesterday she chose a cheese Danish for herself and a raspberry tart or turnover looking item for me. It was turnover in looks but not with puff pastry, but more of a cake or doughnut dough. These are not my favourite, however, I should not complain. It was covered with sugar and was the size of a small sub! It had little raspberry filling, as usual, but was just a big, huge thing, deep fried and gigantic! Thank God for the coffee as it was dry and more sugar ended up on me than in me. It was too much but I refused to suggest that, given my luck on achieving what I had achieved! I will assume she wanted the whole Danish so I got the sub!

It was bigger than my head and way too much fat was involved in the production of this thing. The part that amazed me was they were able to retail such a thing for $1! That was just too much! There was at least a dollar’s worth of sugar involved!

There is a look.....

There is a look, I just discovered, that one has when you assume the person you are speaking to perhaps has dementia.  I didn’t know this but yesterday I received it, and recognized it right away. Perhaps if I had dementia, I would not recognize the look, but being free of the decrease, I got it quick enough.

I had stopped at the supermarket at lunch time to pick up some missing ingredients I needed to make sticky buns, a new diversion in my life. I thought I’d try baking, as my daughters had gone and they were the family bakers.

As I was leaving, I went over to the prepared foods counter to see if I could get something for lunch. As I looked into the case of hot foods, a great place for pizza, chicken etc., I spied a new item. It was a pin wheeled shaped goody, about 5”-6” wide, made with puff pastry and some kind of filling. There seemed to be two kinds, and I thought I’d check into those. They had no sign for them so I had no idea what they were called or how much they cost. They may have been a desert, I just had no idea but it looked good!

The clerk came over, and offered to help me, as she has done before. I looked into the case full of food, made a circular motion with my forefinger and asked, “What do you call the round things?” She looked quizzically at me and said, “Pardon?” I restated my question, with appropriate finger and hand motion, “What do you call the round things?”

"The look" came over her face, and she tried to be pleasant. She smiled and said, “They’re called potatoes, would you like to try one?”

She moved toward a container of roasted new potatoes with a spoon, and I realized what had happened! “No, I yelled, I know they’re potatoes, what do you call the pin wheel things?”

She laughed along with me now, and she had no idea what they were called either but she knew they were filled with cheese and spinach and they were good, which they were. They were also $2.99, and a great bargain.

I left with my pin wheel lunch, knowing I did not have dementia and feeling a bit foolish but delighted with my very cheap and very fattening lunch!