I used to believe that my in-laws ate toilet paper......

I used to believe that my in-laws ate toilet paper. When they would come to visit, toilet paper and Kleenex went out the window, or at least our usage was compounded by some unknown factor.

Where did it disappear to?

When they would walk their dogs, they dropped toilet paper or Kleenex on each little mound of crap so that they could find it the next day when they went back to reclaim it. Our lawn looked like it had some weird disease when they were through throwing paper upon it. The crap itself was too offensive in its natural state for them to pick up and they preferred, I believe, a dryer form.

Now my father-in-law has passed away, and my mother-in-law spent a week with us without a dog. The jury was out on this one but now that she has gone home it is clear that she is the toilet paper eater! There is some show on TV about weird problems, and she may be eligible. I have no idea if she really eats it, but when she is here it disappears!

My mother-in-law probably weighs about 95 pounds at the most, so how much toilet paper can she need? We suddenly go through mounds of toilet paper and paper towels as well when she is here. It makes no sense.

I forgot to check her suitcase before she left. It may be full of paper products. I should have warned the US border guards to be on the lookout for a paper smuggler. I don’t think it’s illegal to bring paper products back to the US, but if they’ve been pilfered…….