Christmas 2000, told one more time

 

Christmas 2000

I know I written this story before, but since it's Christmas, and it's a real Christmas story from Christmas, 2000, I thought it deserves to be retold.
I received a package at home from Chapters. A week before, I’d ordered 2 books and a video tape (Hook) as Christmas presents, so the box was expected.

After I took the box downstairs, I decided to open it, just in case there was something wrong or missing. To my surprise, it contained 7 videotapes, with Hook among them. My first thought was that my sons and their families had pitched in and bought us one big Christmas present, and with about $20-25 US for each of the tapes, they could buy 7 videos for $175. Since it contained Sandy’s favorite movie Dr. Zhivargo and one of two movies that always make me cry (Mr. Holland’s Opus, the other being Field of Dreams) along with Hook and a bunch of appropriate cartoon movies, I assumed a knowledgeable person carefully selected them. The others are the Grinch, Murder by Death, Land Before Time VII and Joseph and his Coat or something, also a cartoon. I figured my youngest son purchased them for everyone, and that Chapters had failed to include the gift card as they often make mistakes. But, just in case this was wrong, and a generous son had done this himself, I decided not to email all and make someone feel bad. So, I decided to call the Internet store to see what happened.

After ten minutes on hold (thank God for speakerphones) I spoke to a guy who assured me this was my partial order, and that they had shipped Hook. He laughed about my predicament, informed the warehouse of their error in overshipping and wished me a Merry Christmas. He said it’s now up to them to take care of it.

I know that they will ignore my response, as it will cost more to send UPS or someone to pick it all up than it is worth. Who knows. I was honest, and perhaps I’ve lived in Canada so long that I respond without larceny in my heart. However, by Christmas, this all will be mine, I guess.

This is sort of a Christmas Story, I guess.

Of couse they never responded.

Have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!

It Starts With An "S"

We had our office Christmas lunch yesterday at a wonderful small Italian restaurant in Hamilton and it was a great time. I arrived as usual leaving my reading glasses in the car and in the twilight of the restaurant there was no way I could read the menu. I am used to this dilemma, and even though I have 8 or 9 pairs of reading glasses scattered around my life on desks, in cars etc., I often forget them when out.

Some wonderful friend offered to read it to me and another eventually offered me his glasses, but it was too late by then. I am just vain enough to pretend I can read anyway, and if I hold the menu close to a light source, and squint just so, I can usually make out enough to order.

I found the pasta dishes easily enough as headings are usually large. It was just a matter of looking down the menu and finding ingredients I liked together. I found chicken and tomatoes plus stuff I couldn’t see, and when the waitress came around I pointed to the proper spot on the page and said I’d like this. I asked for a salad, and she explained what they had so I didn’t have to find it on the menu. I was set.

The others ordered their lunches, and we had drinks and laughed and chatted. Finally the salads arrived and afterwards the main course. It was placed in front of me and I could see it contained chicken and tomatoes as well as other stuff and fettuccine, which I also had seen. It was good and to this moment I have no idea what it was called.

As I ordered first, I was served first and what I got was mine, I knew. However Ed, several over on my right, was about to receive his plate from several she had and she asked what he had ordered. He had no idea? Ed was paying the same amount of attention as I was, although he had on his reading glasses. He simply responded, “I don’t know, it started with and S”

Even in the end, when he took some home, we had to look in the box because what she had written on top never started with the S. We have no idea if he ever got what he ordered because he didn’t know what it was.

I like that. I couldn’t see what I ordered and still don’t know what was in it and he doesn’t know what he ordered or if it was what he ate. However, Ed’s did start with an S!

Editors note: Now that it's a few days later I looked it up, here are the dishes.

Fettuccine con Pollo alla Fiorentina (has chicken and tomato)

Julienne chicken breast, mushrooms, red onions, spinach simmered in a fresh plum tomato sauce and tossed with fettuccine.

Spaghettini con Pollo Aglio (Started with an S)

Morsels of chicken breast sautéed with mushrooms and sun dried tomatoes in a garlic,

olive oil sauce tossed with spaghettini and topped with feta cheese.

 

The Christmas Gift

My daughter was at work yesterday when an older woman and her two middle aged daughters came in for refreshments. After coffee, and as they were leaving, the mother noticed a display of coffee mugs as a Christmas promotion and she decided to purchase a few. One of the other clerks rang up the sale and told the older woman that then gifts were returnable after Christmas with a receipt. They were returnable for up to 30 days, as she had been instructed to tell customers.

Simple thanks would have been in order, but the woman told her it was not necessary. The clerk was insistent that she know the information, and encouraged her to take the receipt. Again, a simple thank you would suffice right here.

One of the daughters chimed in about then, and in a stage whisper assured her it was not necessary, as her mother was terminally ill and these were the last Christmas gifts she would ever give. As such, they would not be returned.

Fa la la la la, la la, la la.

 

From December, 2010...A Christmas Story

I was standing in the postal line at Shopper’s Drug.
The Shoppers Drug chain has sort of replaced the traditional post office in many Canadian cities. A small, full service postal outlet exists in most of the stores around here.

There were several people at the counter; putting stamps on cards, filling out papers etc. and two women were in front of me in the line with several more people behind. I was watching the woman in front of me impatiently wait her turn. She was examining almost all of the items on the shelves on both sides of our line. She seemed determined to touch or handle in some way at least fifteen different products while we waited. In front of her there was a woman who should have blended into the background, but she caught my attention.

The woman must have been around 60, with stringy hair and older clothing. She was unkempt, but not looking homeless or out of place, just sort of disheveled. She had a medium to large mailing envelope with her and there was another one on the shelf next to us that looked like she could have put it there. The woman in front of me asked her if the envelope was hers and she said she had taken it, and was going to put it back when she got finished in line. I knew immediately she was lying, they came in packages of two!

She had an object she was fooling with, a pink belt like contraption that may have held books, or dogs or something, but it was something she had picked up in the store. She may have had other objects that I never saw in the envelope. She was trying out various ways of folding it so it made the smallest footprint in the envelope.

When she got it fixed, she pulled the tape on the envelope and stuck it together, it was closed! Next, from her purse,. She pulled a pen. She addressed the envelope she was prepared.

Her turn arrived and she went up, and had the attendant weigh the package, and she paid the postage! She did not pay for the gift or the envelope!

This is the perfect crime! You involve the post office as an unwitting partner!

What guts, she didn’t even bring in her own envelope! You just pick your “gift”, steal your envelope and mail it to yourself!

No store detective can find the missing item on you nor tamper with the mail to find it!

 

A Day at the Circus from 2009

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

A Day At The Circus

This seems like a story I’ve already told but I can’t seem to find it here, so maybe I’ve just told it many times before.

In the early 90’s when I was in Massachusetts, I had an opportunity to fulfill a childhood dream, one I really never had thought about, but when presented with the opportunity, I couldn’t refuse.

I was the Vice President of the Beverly, MA Chamber of Commerce, and the Chamber sponsored a circus that was coming to Beverly. This traveling circus (a name that has been lost in time) was on the road close to 250 days a year, and put up and took down the big top every day or two. It was huge by our standards, and lots of fun.

The Head of the chamber was unable to participate on one of the days and asked the President, who could not be there, so they asked me to welcome the people to the circus. This sounds like a normal kind of thing, welcome the people, but not so in the circus. I had to go out with the ringmaster and welcome everyone from the center ring!

There I was, in my big boys clothes (coat and tie I think), standing with a man who was wearing a blue sequined suit, and he handed me the mike. Friends, my wife and daughter were all in the audience, somewhere up in the stands, and I said, “Ladies and Gentleman and Children of all Ages, I am Arthur Greenblatt, Vice President of the Beverly Chamber of Commerce and I would like to welcome you to the circus!

I was surrounded by horses with ladies in exotic costumes and clowns; it was almost like art school!

It was one of my finest days!

J.R Cigar

 

On their web site, J.R Cigar says:

J·R is the world’s largest online cigar store. We have the best selection of handmade and machine-made cigars, samplers, bundles, humidors, humidor accessories, lighters, pipe tobacco, hookah tobacco, and other smoking accessories. We also carry E-cigarettes, coffee, tea, and fragrances. Search our inventory of world-famous handmade premiums such as Montecristo, Cohiba, Romeo y Julieta, ACID, H. Upmann, Macanudo, Rocky Patel, Oliva, Partagas, and more! We’ve had quality smokes at the lowest prices since 1971. Don’t forget to browse our great catalog deals, weekly specials, and auctions to save a lot of dough or to get free stuff to add to your collection. And if you want to know everything there is to know about cigars, visit the J·R University.

In New Jersey where my wife hails from, J.R is a large Cigar and Perfume retailer, and the best of the Discount perfumers. It’s her first thought in finding high end, discount priced perfume.

They have a number of locations around the US, and it turns out there is one in Southfield, Michigan. We saw it from the car last week, and when we left to go shopping, J.R was high on our list. We drove up to the store, but their parking lot was full on the Saturday afternoon. Surprised, we found parking on the lot of the next door financial institution which was closed. My mother-in-law stayed in the car with me while my daughter and wife went in to J.R.

We waited, and after a bit, they returned. It seems that the Southfield retail store does not have fragrances, and instead is a smoking den.

The ladies were invited in and through the blue haze they discovered a large group of men all smoking in the afternoon. All the boys were delighted to have two young ladies experience the joys of cigar smoking with them.

My two fellow travelers choked their way back to us, smelling like cigar smoke.

In a few hours they were once again home and able to launder their clothing and their hair and get back to smelling normal once